I smell stomach acid.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
