Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
