I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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