I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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