wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
