Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
worst night to have a conscience
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
