So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
