life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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