I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
