? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
