Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
