maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
