im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
