I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize