Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
