Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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