Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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