I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
