well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
