is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
