im having a threesome with these popsicles
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
