I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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