do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
