everyone is single if you try hard enough
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
