i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
