real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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