just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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