Everything about him screamed your future.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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