At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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