i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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