Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
