help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
