I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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