I will die if light touches me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
