I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
