I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
