I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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