it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
