at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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