Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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