His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
