Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just high enough for therapy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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