I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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