i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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