i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
