I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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