so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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