Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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