One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
