I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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