..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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