2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
