Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
