He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
