I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
