Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
