she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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