Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
