I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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