just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Of course I have a pirate flag
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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