Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
