He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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