You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
