He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
