Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
