Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
