I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
