I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm at about main and main street
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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