saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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