On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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