I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
