I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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