i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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