I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
